Truthfully I feel empty right now.
I feel like an aimless wanderer. What I once thought to be important is shaken. I'd define family and friends as the most important things to my life. However, sometimes the ones you think to be important don't need you as much. And sometimes we can hurt each other inadvertently, but deeply. It's the worst when passion is responded with indifference.
Aww, the world as I see it is always pinker than it really is.
Sometimes I'd love to [dwell] myself into learning. Playing guitar, cooking, drawing or programming, or anything. I normally feel very comfortable, and deeply focused on the process of learning. I'd sit there, study for hours without feeling restrained. I'd like to relinquish the world and study a little more.
However, I feel like I'm using learning as a way to runaway, to not have to think about life and people. Still, the questions just come back to me. What am I doing in this world? What is, or should be, my purpose of life?
Time for resolution. I've always repeated to myself that my current goal is becoming stronger and stronger, traveling and seeing the world, stocking up with various experience. Good experience, bad experience, I'd embrace them all, and learn from them all. Everyday I'd question myself, what matters to me? One day, I would be able to find the goal of my remaining life. My goal now is finding the goal of my life.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Cooking
I patrolled back and forth in front of the pan. Every fifteen seconds I would check a fried piece of fish to see if the bottom side turned into yellowish, the color indicating that I could change the pieces side. Several sweat drops run down my face. I felt like it's myself that was being fried. The heat of the noon solely was almost unbearable, now it's added with the heat emitted from the gas cooker, yet I had no electrical fan or air conditioner to support me. Yes, the electricity here is cut off 12 hours everyday, from dawn to dusk. My grandmother told me to sit down into a nearby chair. "You don't have to check too often," she said while wavering her paper fan at me. The mildly wind from the fan was like a rain to a dried land, bringing some life back to me. Still, I was too impatient to check less frequently. I also was afraid the fish would be burned already if I checked too late. Last time I even wanted to change the side of the fish every 5 seconds or so, and ended up breaking the shape of the fish. When the fish is not properly fried yet, it will be easily teased apart when you change its side. And it did take some amount of time for the fish to be fried properly. I certainly knew the time needed better now; however, seems that I hadn't totally grown over the nervousness of a newbie.
Frying fish is actually simple. You first have to marinate the fish through other condiments like salt, sauces, oil, etc. How much of each? I wouldn't say one or two spoonful, but give it your guess, and you can refine the next time. It's what we do in practice. Wait for several minutes for the condiments to penetrate into the fish. Put the pan on the cooker, pouring some oil into it (dun pour too little). Wait until
the oil stop boiling, which will help the fish to not stick to the pan, to put the fish into the pan. When the bottom side of the fish is properly cooked (turning to yellowish), flip or change to other sides. It will take awhile, you don't have to check too frequently. Don't let it fried too much, or its meat will become too dry. After all the sides are fried, you're done. That's it!
However, it doesn't work out so smoothly so far. Last time when I fried fish with my friend, I kept the fire quite high, and the fish got burned very quickly. Ha ha. When there was a faint scene of fish being burned, my friend noticed and immediately adjusted the fire, while saying, "You must keep the fire low. I let the fire bigger just to boil the oil at the beginning.." I admit, "Sorry, I didn't remember. Last time my grandma adjusted it for me, and didn't tell me very why.." She continued, "you must keep the fire small so that even the inner part of the fish get fried at the same time as the outter part. Otherwise the outter part will get burned while the inner part is not cooked yet." I laughed, "Ha ha, had my grandma explained the thing so logically like you did, I'd never forget. He he, sorry, it's the second time I fry fish." She also smiled, "cooking is like studying, need practice." After that incident, I never dare to set the fire very big whenever frying anything. It is indeed easier to remember things when you understand why it is like that.
Finally I finished the dish! It's edible! Ha ha, it isn't actually too bad, if not kinda good. Through the accidents, I learned that cooking is not very difficult (ha ha); you just need to follow some generic steps closely. Even if you mess up some parts, continue like normal, the result would still be something accetably good. However, it is difficult to cook excellent food. Like my friend said, "cooking is easy, but cooking well is a different story."
Later I will ask my dad how the fish I fried like, he he.
Frying fish is actually simple. You first have to marinate the fish through other condiments like salt, sauces, oil, etc. How much of each? I wouldn't say one or two spoonful, but give it your guess, and you can refine the next time. It's what we do in practice. Wait for several minutes for the condiments to penetrate into the fish. Put the pan on the cooker, pouring some oil into it (dun pour too little). Wait until
the oil stop boiling, which will help the fish to not stick to the pan, to put the fish into the pan. When the bottom side of the fish is properly cooked (turning to yellowish), flip or change to other sides. It will take awhile, you don't have to check too frequently. Don't let it fried too much, or its meat will become too dry. After all the sides are fried, you're done. That's it!
However, it doesn't work out so smoothly so far. Last time when I fried fish with my friend, I kept the fire quite high, and the fish got burned very quickly. Ha ha. When there was a faint scene of fish being burned, my friend noticed and immediately adjusted the fire, while saying, "You must keep the fire low. I let the fire bigger just to boil the oil at the beginning.." I admit, "Sorry, I didn't remember. Last time my grandma adjusted it for me, and didn't tell me very why.." She continued, "you must keep the fire small so that even the inner part of the fish get fried at the same time as the outter part. Otherwise the outter part will get burned while the inner part is not cooked yet." I laughed, "Ha ha, had my grandma explained the thing so logically like you did, I'd never forget. He he, sorry, it's the second time I fry fish." She also smiled, "cooking is like studying, need practice." After that incident, I never dare to set the fire very big whenever frying anything. It is indeed easier to remember things when you understand why it is like that.
Finally I finished the dish! It's edible! Ha ha, it isn't actually too bad, if not kinda good. Through the accidents, I learned that cooking is not very difficult (ha ha); you just need to follow some generic steps closely. Even if you mess up some parts, continue like normal, the result would still be something accetably good. However, it is difficult to cook excellent food. Like my friend said, "cooking is easy, but cooking well is a different story."
Later I will ask my dad how the fish I fried like, he he.
Monday, May 17, 2010
It's time to be a grown up man!
Last weekend,
Hanoi
"Hanoi is so overcrowded and dusty." It was my first thought when entering the city. I was trying to swim forward in a river of motorbikes. The road is full of motorbikes; it is everywhere: on the left, on the right, in front of me, behind me. Everywhere. I have to constantly find empty space, slowly drive my motorbike there (you couldn't really drive at a medium speed, but move a little by a little), and repeat that process. It is a common image you see in the city, especially at the end of the day. The air is filled with dust and the oily smell produced by the vehicles. I would be suffocated soon if I couldn't get away soon. A worn-out bus passed me, left behind a darkened smoke with a terrible smell. I slowed down, tried to avoid it. A kind of disgust feeling arose in my mind. Under this kind of environment, you could not think of anything positive. Now suddenly it felt much better to live in a countryside like my hometown. First time I fully I appreciate its cleanness and tranquility. I thought about Singapore too. Maybe the clean environment in Singapore also helped me open my mind and think more positively. Back to the reality, I thought there wouldn't any trace of animosity in my face. Apparently I had switched (back) to a state suitable for the environment.
Nevertheless,I have to rush to meet up with my friends.
Friends
"It's time to be a grown up man," one of my friend said. Ha ha. I felt a little shocked when hearing that. The full conversation was like this "Some of my friends still play games days and nights. They should understand that they are third year students and it's time to be a grown up man, shouldn't they?"
Apparently, I am not the only one who has (somehow) grown in thinking. At this age, a little different in mindset reflects greatly in behaviors and performance an future success of a person. It is also shown clearly through what he has done in recent years. And through his plan for future too.
I thought about my uncle, who played games days and nights. He was around 10 years older than me, had a family and a child of 4 years old. How come a 21 years old boy said something that a 30 years old man couldn't understand? It was sad when seeing his business declined while he fell deep into games with my own eyes, yet I couldn't offer any real help.
Within my close friends, I also saw some buried themselves in entertaining stuff. I have tried to signal them to change. But so far I haven't succeeded once. Maybe I will try a more direct way.
At the same time, some of my friends developed a serious way thinking and working very early, by themselves. I started to ask what can help a person developing a good (serious) mindset? Seems that it can only be taught and learned by oneself. If someone else tell you, you will either doubt it, or forget it very quickly. Forcibly teach it to someone will just makes him repels it harder. The more stubborn, the harder to teach. Self-help books somehow helps, but they depict the situations too ideally that if someone really believes in them, and blindly follow them, he will soon be disillusioned, leaving a great disappointment about the books. Is it the result produced by the environment around someone, or it's from the one himself that he will have / learn it? Blah blah... I'm lost.
Personally, I believe someone can only learn it by himself. And only by that, he really learns it.
Night
It was 11pm and I was till wandering around on the street. Alone. I hadn't got a place to stay that night. My friends had gone back to their home. One told me I could stay at his home, only to tell that his mother didn't allow that. So I wandered around on Hanoi's street while trying to call other friends for help. Hanoi at night was also quite tranquil. It was not totally silence like my hometown, but there was still the noise of motorbikes' engine here and there. The cool weather of the night is apparently more comfortable than the heat of the day. The air was fresher too. And you don't have to fight the crowd for a path; the big, almost empty road now is yours. Think about it, it sounds funny that I defined myself as a competitive person. Maybe the real world
I am venturing to, especially the business world, will be more competitive and disgusting than the transportation in Hanoi this afternoon. I will have to learn to deal them more properly.
Finally I received a positive response from a my friend, after a whole bunch of apologies. Now I got a place to stay!
Chat at night
[...] What is your purpose of life? [...]
Hanoi
"Hanoi is so overcrowded and dusty." It was my first thought when entering the city. I was trying to swim forward in a river of motorbikes. The road is full of motorbikes; it is everywhere: on the left, on the right, in front of me, behind me. Everywhere. I have to constantly find empty space, slowly drive my motorbike there (you couldn't really drive at a medium speed, but move a little by a little), and repeat that process. It is a common image you see in the city, especially at the end of the day. The air is filled with dust and the oily smell produced by the vehicles. I would be suffocated soon if I couldn't get away soon. A worn-out bus passed me, left behind a darkened smoke with a terrible smell. I slowed down, tried to avoid it. A kind of disgust feeling arose in my mind. Under this kind of environment, you could not think of anything positive. Now suddenly it felt much better to live in a countryside like my hometown. First time I fully I appreciate its cleanness and tranquility. I thought about Singapore too. Maybe the clean environment in Singapore also helped me open my mind and think more positively. Back to the reality, I thought there wouldn't any trace of animosity in my face. Apparently I had switched (back) to a state suitable for the environment.
Nevertheless,I have to rush to meet up with my friends.
Friends
"It's time to be a grown up man," one of my friend said. Ha ha. I felt a little shocked when hearing that. The full conversation was like this "Some of my friends still play games days and nights. They should understand that they are third year students and it's time to be a grown up man, shouldn't they?"
Apparently, I am not the only one who has (somehow) grown in thinking. At this age, a little different in mindset reflects greatly in behaviors and performance an future success of a person. It is also shown clearly through what he has done in recent years. And through his plan for future too.
I thought about my uncle, who played games days and nights. He was around 10 years older than me, had a family and a child of 4 years old. How come a 21 years old boy said something that a 30 years old man couldn't understand? It was sad when seeing his business declined while he fell deep into games with my own eyes, yet I couldn't offer any real help.
Within my close friends, I also saw some buried themselves in entertaining stuff. I have tried to signal them to change. But so far I haven't succeeded once. Maybe I will try a more direct way.
At the same time, some of my friends developed a serious way thinking and working very early, by themselves. I started to ask what can help a person developing a good (serious) mindset? Seems that it can only be taught and learned by oneself. If someone else tell you, you will either doubt it, or forget it very quickly. Forcibly teach it to someone will just makes him repels it harder. The more stubborn, the harder to teach. Self-help books somehow helps, but they depict the situations too ideally that if someone really believes in them, and blindly follow them, he will soon be disillusioned, leaving a great disappointment about the books. Is it the result produced by the environment around someone, or it's from the one himself that he will have / learn it? Blah blah... I'm lost.
Personally, I believe someone can only learn it by himself. And only by that, he really learns it.
Night
It was 11pm and I was till wandering around on the street. Alone. I hadn't got a place to stay that night. My friends had gone back to their home. One told me I could stay at his home, only to tell that his mother didn't allow that. So I wandered around on Hanoi's street while trying to call other friends for help. Hanoi at night was also quite tranquil. It was not totally silence like my hometown, but there was still the noise of motorbikes' engine here and there. The cool weather of the night is apparently more comfortable than the heat of the day. The air was fresher too. And you don't have to fight the crowd for a path; the big, almost empty road now is yours. Think about it, it sounds funny that I defined myself as a competitive person. Maybe the real world
I am venturing to, especially the business world, will be more competitive and disgusting than the transportation in Hanoi this afternoon. I will have to learn to deal them more properly.
Finally I received a positive response from a my friend, after a whole bunch of apologies. Now I got a place to stay!
Chat at night
[...] What is your purpose of life? [...]
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Summer starts
It's 1 am in Vietnam now. The night is very quiet and tranquil. The only sound I can hear is voice of some frogs calling their mates. Unlike at daytime, at night the weather is very cool and comfortable. Adding with the tranquility, it is an excellent environment to work. And think. I am a little lost in thought now. I have come back home for two days, though I feel it is much longer than that. My life here so far is totally different from the life at NUS. In NUS I can easily stick with my computer and code or talk with friends all the time; however, since I come back, I could merely spend time as I wanted. So far many of my relatives and neighbors have visit me, so I have to greet and talk to them. People will then ask me about Singapore, the life, the weather, the food here, etc. etc. It becomes bored after awhile if you have to repeat the same things over and over again. However, I agree that it is important to do so, and not only do it, I have to show my involvement in the conversation, in other words, showing that I do want to have the conversation. It is important to show them that I respect them and to keep the good relationship. Come to think of it, I think showing involvement and passion in conversation is a real skill in communication. I'm getting better at it.
Talking more about conversation, how to maintain and make a conversation interesting? Just now I told my friends it requires a lot of creativity and thought. Sometimes I find my conversation with others just die out very quickly. We have nothing special or interesting to sustain the conversation. It becomes a real problem when you really want to keep the conversation. Some of the issues I can think of: I was too shy, timid (in front of girls, so or prominent people), or did not want to appear stupid (not happen frequently but did happen sometimes). Talking casual, trivial, vague, general sentences or repeating others' ideas can kill the conversation quickly too. I am not really good at this so I have no effective solutions. However, I think we can talk about mutual interests, ask for specific help or advices (that we need right now), offering new (not necessary important or novel) content in every sentence. Talking about philosophical stuff (meaning of life, etc.) helps too ha ha. Oh, 1 thing, don't talk until you have nothing to talk, keep something to reserve and stop the conversation (any lame reason you can think of) when it is still high, so both parties will want to continue it next time. Time to hear some suggestion from friends: do you have any suggestion to deal with this problem? (I'm serious)
Sorry for going off topic, as I said, I'm just lost in thought. Let's continue about what I had done in the last two days. When I came back home, my uncle pleasantly surprised me by returning my guitar. I didn't plan to learn guitar this summer, but looking at it really made me want to do something. Priory, I took a 3 month basic course of guitar last .. 2 years, and knew some fundamental things about it. However, I didn't really learned how to play. Before I returned home, I stumbled up on my friends guitar and called back some rhythm I learned. It enticed me to learn guitar once more. So when I saw it, I really tempted to check the guitar out. It was out of tune though. So what? I learned to tune a guitar the first time! Haha, with help of Google, I managed to do that. Phew~~ I thought that it was very difficult and couldn't do it before, but now it felt so simple. A small achievement indeed. Still, I do not want to spend a lot of time on learning guitar this summer; my schedule is pretty crowded. I will try to practice a little though. Hopefully I can play a song or two after the summer. = )
Apart from that, I also start helping my grandma and mother preparing meals. So you can say I'm learning cooking seriously. No, I do not learn cooking for any serious purpose; I just think it can help reducing the stress of learning or working. It can be helpful sometimes too! Another reason is that I want to keep my senses sharp all the times as well as and keep the learning attitude all the time. Once you define yourself as a learner, everything is much simpler: you're more humble, more welcome to failure and mistakes, and more open in the mind. Well, sounds like some overstatement, boasting sentences. But I really mean it. I'd like to keep this paragraph as a note to myself.
Still, what occupied my mind most of the times were the projects I wanted to do in the summer. I am gradually starting them. It feels like pain when you have so many things running in your mind but you can't do them immediately. However, there must be some transition cost, because stuff like people visiting cannot be avoided when I just come back. Besides, my hometown keeps getting electricity cut off everyday. I am not blaming that but take that opportunity to read books. It is still better and easier to read book when your laptop is off. Most importantly, it's not burning out quickly that is important, but keeping the fire all the time. I am learning to do that. (To be honest, I lost a little fire today though).
Anyway, everything will be on its course soon. I will update more about the progress of these projects on following posts.
Nite!
Talking more about conversation, how to maintain and make a conversation interesting? Just now I told my friends it requires a lot of creativity and thought. Sometimes I find my conversation with others just die out very quickly. We have nothing special or interesting to sustain the conversation. It becomes a real problem when you really want to keep the conversation. Some of the issues I can think of: I was too shy, timid (in front of girls, so or prominent people), or did not want to appear stupid (not happen frequently but did happen sometimes). Talking casual, trivial, vague, general sentences or repeating others' ideas can kill the conversation quickly too. I am not really good at this so I have no effective solutions. However, I think we can talk about mutual interests, ask for specific help or advices (that we need right now), offering new (not necessary important or novel) content in every sentence. Talking about philosophical stuff (meaning of life, etc.) helps too ha ha. Oh, 1 thing, don't talk until you have nothing to talk, keep something to reserve and stop the conversation (any lame reason you can think of) when it is still high, so both parties will want to continue it next time. Time to hear some suggestion from friends: do you have any suggestion to deal with this problem? (I'm serious)
Sorry for going off topic, as I said, I'm just lost in thought. Let's continue about what I had done in the last two days. When I came back home, my uncle pleasantly surprised me by returning my guitar. I didn't plan to learn guitar this summer, but looking at it really made me want to do something. Priory, I took a 3 month basic course of guitar last .. 2 years, and knew some fundamental things about it. However, I didn't really learned how to play. Before I returned home, I stumbled up on my friends guitar and called back some rhythm I learned. It enticed me to learn guitar once more. So when I saw it, I really tempted to check the guitar out. It was out of tune though. So what? I learned to tune a guitar the first time! Haha, with help of Google, I managed to do that. Phew~~ I thought that it was very difficult and couldn't do it before, but now it felt so simple. A small achievement indeed. Still, I do not want to spend a lot of time on learning guitar this summer; my schedule is pretty crowded. I will try to practice a little though. Hopefully I can play a song or two after the summer. = )
Apart from that, I also start helping my grandma and mother preparing meals. So you can say I'm learning cooking seriously. No, I do not learn cooking for any serious purpose; I just think it can help reducing the stress of learning or working. It can be helpful sometimes too! Another reason is that I want to keep my senses sharp all the times as well as and keep the learning attitude all the time. Once you define yourself as a learner, everything is much simpler: you're more humble, more welcome to failure and mistakes, and more open in the mind. Well, sounds like some overstatement, boasting sentences. But I really mean it. I'd like to keep this paragraph as a note to myself.
Still, what occupied my mind most of the times were the projects I wanted to do in the summer. I am gradually starting them. It feels like pain when you have so many things running in your mind but you can't do them immediately. However, there must be some transition cost, because stuff like people visiting cannot be avoided when I just come back. Besides, my hometown keeps getting electricity cut off everyday. I am not blaming that but take that opportunity to read books. It is still better and easier to read book when your laptop is off. Most importantly, it's not burning out quickly that is important, but keeping the fire all the time. I am learning to do that. (To be honest, I lost a little fire today though).
Anyway, everything will be on its course soon. I will update more about the progress of these projects on following posts.
Nite!
Hello new world!
As prof suggested, I will try to maintain this blog frequently to train my writing as well as keep a journal of my summer. It can be a good way to tell my friends and others about my life and the way I see it too. With that, I will write mostly about daily events that happens and how I think and feel about them.
So that's it. I will try to keep this blog updated as frequently as possible. I will try to be honest about everything, especially my thought too. Not that I am normally not honest about that, but through my observation of myself and friends, I find it sometimes very hard to keep. Sometimes it is because we want to impress others, or we do not want to admit our errors or try to defend ourselves. Sometimes our voice just sounds pretentious and superficial. Yeah, it happens to me too, though I try to avoid doing that all the time.
Last words, whenever I write something, that means I want to share it, and thus expect some feedback and comments from others. It is quite said if I write a lot, but never heard anyone comments a line about it. A laugh, a teasing comment, or anything (not spam comment though) is better than nothing, because at least it means someone does read what I write. Though I always try to resist this desire and tell myself that it's OK to have no reader, it's still better to have some, right?
That's it for the first entry!
So that's it. I will try to keep this blog updated as frequently as possible. I will try to be honest about everything, especially my thought too. Not that I am normally not honest about that, but through my observation of myself and friends, I find it sometimes very hard to keep. Sometimes it is because we want to impress others, or we do not want to admit our errors or try to defend ourselves. Sometimes our voice just sounds pretentious and superficial. Yeah, it happens to me too, though I try to avoid doing that all the time.
Last words, whenever I write something, that means I want to share it, and thus expect some feedback and comments from others. It is quite said if I write a lot, but never heard anyone comments a line about it. A laugh, a teasing comment, or anything (not spam comment though) is better than nothing, because at least it means someone does read what I write. Though I always try to resist this desire and tell myself that it's OK to have no reader, it's still better to have some, right?
That's it for the first entry!
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