To be concise, I think I've found my way to happiness. This summer has given me a lot of time to think and test my hypotheses. I am confident to say I have experienced an extreme feeling of freedom and happiness. I think it is important to write it down as a lesson for myself. It is not necessarily true to others, as we are all different; so keep a skeptical look at what I am saying. I am not pretending to be wise here either. After seeing how a 90 year-old successful businessman described himself at the age of 39 as immature and youthful, even though you thought he was extreme impressive already, you realize that there's no time to be really matured. Also, there is no time better than now to say something you want to, because whatever or whenever you said something, later you will find it immature.
Happiness can only be called happiness if you fulfill all 3 conditions:
1. You feel happy internally.
2. It is accepted by the people around.
3. It contributes to the society in some way.
Basically it's that you feel good internally without harm or affect others' right and even more than that, contribute something to make this world a little better place.
The 3rd condition is too grand a point that I think what we can do is doing good deeds, hoping that they will make good impacts on others around, not expecting something great to happen.
The 2nd condition is (for me) the same as the 1st one, because I can't feel happy otherwise.
I call the 1st condition personal happiness. What's called happiness varies on people. For me, it isn't a goal, or a journey. It is a state of mind. I can be in this state all the time, thus ensure that I feel happy all the time. How to describe that state? It's a state that you feel totally free, the freedom of the mind. There is nothing hold you back; there is no obligation. You don't feel feared, anxious, shy, frustrated or any other negative feeling. There is nothing outside push you forward or can drive you toward it. You don't envy with others, because you know you have your own way. Anything you do, you do it because yourself want to, and because of that, you feel comfortable doing all these. Everything is so nature that nothing feel wrong. You live fully as yourself. To an extreme, you feel like flying! Really!
I start by observing people around me, how they react to me, what they need from me and fulfill it if it's important. Of course, not of all people but the ones I care about. If you read other posts, you would realize I am really doing that with my family. My dad said once that I'm more matured, so I think it's a good sign that I am not going wrong. Talk about what I am doing at home, I am preparing meal, talking intimately with my parents and sister, making joke and fun at home. Those things seems to require a lot of effort and dedication. They also seems to against my personality. However, because I realize the need of doing so and take initiative, I do them all with great pleasure and enjoyment. I do them so naturally that I was surprised too.
But I only feel utterly free until I listen to my own need, conquering the negative feelings (more correctly, ignoring). I realize that attachment, fear, anxiety and shyness are the greatest problems. So I stop worrying about others' opinion, ignoring the fear or shyness, rejecting to do things caused by desperation, making fast decision. I act as I think, before the negative feelings can stop me. I reject to be attached to anything, if there is something much more important to do, I can halt and do it first. I stop blaming the environment, or going against it, but accept, study and explore it and find enjoyment in it. I keep smiling regardless of circumstances, keep an optimistic and positive view of things. I start feeling being myself and being free. Completely.
It sounds selfish and reckless, however I combine it with observation and adaption: observe how other reacts to me and adapt. Given that the things I do spur from the environment and my reaction to it, they are not completely absurd. I don't expect my action to be perfect too. At least I feel good inside. To remind you, all I said is to achieve personal happiness, not success. However, I believe happiness is more important. Besides, it doesn't conflict with success. I believe it is an important base to attain success.
Whatever it is, it is what I believe. And what I believe is the only thing that matters. Believing on oneself is also a key to personal happiness =P
nice post hung :)
ReplyDeletehaha, i think your happiness came about because you're a student on vacation. life is good, relaxed and carefree now and you have the luxury to think like that. still, i guess life is actually far more complicated than this.
Haha maybe. Everything must be challenged (and reinforced) by time and pressure to know if it really works. I am optimistic because it's rather the way I approach life and stuff. Even if in the difficult time, I believe if I can keep the mindset like now, I will feel happy.
ReplyDeleteWow Hung,
ReplyDeleteThis post of your is awesome. I am happy for you that you have came to such a realisation and for sharing them.
What you wrote have broaden my perspectives on happiness, especially for points 2, 3, which I hope you can further expand.
(=
Hey Tom, Yes I will when I understand them more. The 3rd point is more related to what we choose to do in life, our career, profession, and I am thinking hard about it. The 2nd point as I see now is basically paying more attention to how others think and feel, acting while caring about these.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I believe happiness is more important. Besides, it doesn't conflict with success. I believe it is an important base to attain success.
ReplyDeleteSanity check: 1. What is happiness again? 2. Why is it important? :-P
=P to me happiness is a state of mind. It makes me feel good about what I have done, I am doing, etc.
ReplyDeleteI used to think of happiness as something to pursue in life, in contrary to money or fame or success as a whole. But now I think of it (personal happiness) as a base to help me achieve higher goals. It's hard to differentiate being happy with being myself, or which 'cause which, but either way, I feel more courageous, confident and comfortable with doing lots more things than I used to. It also helps me soothe the pain, move on after failure and stuff. But I also try not to be deluded by faked sense of happiness.
If happiness is only a state of mind then the corollary is that it should be easy to achieve. Yes? :-)
ReplyDeleteYou haven't answered my second and more important question: Why is happiness important? :-)
1. Yes, I believe it's easy to achieve. But it's hard to convince people that it's that easy to achieve =P I've grown to believe that for these kind of self-development stuff, only when the person realize or understand the stuff by himself can he really follow it. It's something hard to teach.
ReplyDelete2. Sorry for not making the answer clear. My idea is that it is important because it allows me to be free of a lot of constraints, let go of / not experiencing pains, feeling happy inside, and furthermore, achieving full potential. It is important to achieving the humanity meaning of happiness (making this world a little better place.)
I remembered once you and Adhiraj (and Shannon) discussed (on facebook) how dumb people normally happier than normal people. I am going to discuss it the next post: how happiness should be different from feeling good only. The key different is that it should be used to produce value.
Some further questions:
ReplyDelete1. How do YOU achieve happiness?
2. If you're not happy, does it mean that you cannot reach your full potential?
3. How do you know if you've reached your full potential?
4. Why is it "important to achieving the humanity meaning of happiness (making this world a little better place.)"?
5. Why should happiness be used to produce value? What is value?
Thanks prof for the questions. It makes me think through the things again, restructure my reasonings and reinforce my belief on the things I've said.
ReplyDelete1. Next comment
2.3. That's actually my belief and conjecture only. As I said, I think it is a _good base_ that enable me to do many things that I couldn't do. So far I've seen good result / feedback from others.
I don't claim it's the only way to reach full potential, but it's a good way.
Sure, I haven't reached my full potential yet, but it's like I've found _the way_, now what I have to do is keep walking on that way.
Yes, it's early to say that it will definitely help me achieve my full potential. But I think it's important. It's hard to explain all the influences of it, but I can point out 1 example. You mentioned once about people with barrages. 1 of the things I feel is that I don't have any barrage anymore.
4. I made (a) flaw(s) in reasoning here.
I should have answered that happiness is more important than success because I've seen (and in someway, experienced) the situations when people are considered success by the community, but they don't feel happy inside. It isn't a nice experience at all. So I changed from pursuing success to first pursuing happiness. Happiness becomes the first condition in all my doing, 'as long as I am happy'.
About 'important to...', my reasoning is that people should achieve happiness at the personal level first, before attempting to do something to the outsider. (it's like the old saying in Chinese, one must train oneself first, before thinking about conquering the world. Besides, following from the previous point, by being happy, people become more powerful and can achieve (contribute) more.
5. I realized that I used too many ways and different words to convey the same idea.
Producing values here means contributing to the community, which is 1 of the condition to be happy. It makes happiness non trivial.
Thinking about the case that dumb people, or people using drug can feel more happy than normal people, should it be considered happiness at all? In my opinion, it's not. It's just some good feeling that the person experienced. So not only making yourself happy, you should contribute to the community too. Besides, as I believe (and stated above), happiness is a great power. With great power comes great responsibility; if we can achieve (personal) happiness, we should use it to produce value, to contribute to the community.
This is not something compulsory for people to feel happy, but it should be followed.
You mentioned once about people with barrages. 1 of the things I feel is that I don't have any barrage anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt's baggage, not barrage. :-P
I should have answered that happiness is more important than success because I've seen (and in someway, experienced) the situations when people are considered success by the community, but they don't feel happy inside. It isn't a nice experience at all. So I changed from pursuing success to first pursuing happiness.
What you have shown is that success (at least how the society seems to like to define it) doesn't necessarily bring happiness. But you have not shown/explained why happiness is important in the first place.
You have seem to have made the assumption that "you exist to pursue happiness". Well, what is the value of happiness that it should be the objective of your life and way of living?
You said that happiness is a state of mind. Well your mind is really a bunch of chemicals reacting in your head. Like you say in your later point, suppose I invented this chemical that I could inject into you at periodic intervals to keep you happy and you can afford to keep injecting yourself this chemical for the rest of your life, is your life then complete since you have "found happiness"? If like you say, this is not real happiness, when what is? If happiness is not a "feeling", what the heck is it? :-P
Finally, if happiness is the goal of life (and if you can figure out some way to be happy without contributing to the community) then why should you bother contributing to the community at all? What is the value in contributing to the community? Why is there value?
Note that I'm not disagreeing with you. Just trying to make think harder about what you're actually saying. :-)
What you have shown is that success (at least how the society seems to like to define it) doesn't necessarily bring happiness. But you have not shown/explained why happiness is important in the first place.
ReplyDeleteyes, I was answering why happiness was more important than success.
yes I made the assumption that we should pursue happiness. I am conscious about why I am pursuing happiness. I believe for most of us, or at least for me, it's the most desirable feeling. And life is too short to not live happily. (But it doesn't mean I pursue my own good feeling with all cost).
.. is your life then complete since you have "found happiness"? If like you say, this is not real happiness, when what is? If happiness is not a "feeling", what the heck is it? :-P
I thought they've found it? lots of drugs! well, a little expensive and the feeling is short lived though.
This is actually what I want to write for the next post.
I actually have pondered hard over this point for a long time. I disagree with the way the monks musing, meditating in the mountains. They might be able to go to the nirvana, but the world isn't saved. As I don't believe in miracle or magic, I think someone like Bill Gates can contribute a lot more than a Buddha. I think happiness should be more than that, if not, it's just trivial. What's the point of being happy then? It should accompanied with real work, real value!
Recently I read a book written by Matsushita Konosuke, the founder of Panasonic (its Vietnamese name is very meaningful, something like 'chatting / discussing about life'). In the book, he defined happiness to be more than just your good feeling. It's actually the definition I mentioned above. My doubt was cleared then, because at least I found someone with the same thought as me. A successful, famous one! So I start to believe it should be so: happiness should include contribution to the society, while maintaining personal happiness. It's more a matter of belief than reasoning.
Why? Because it adds meaning to my happiness. Because I want to make people happy too. Because with great power comes great responsibility, small power comes small responsibility, but we all have responsibility to this world. Sounds too noble a statement, but I'm a good hearted (young) man.
Note that I'm not disagreeing with you. Just trying to make think harder about what you're actually saying. :-)
Yes. Thanks. I also constantly question my belief, hopefully to strengthen it.
Happiness is a very personal thing. What makes one person happy might or might not make another happy. What makes you happy depends on your wiring (character, beliefs, values), and what you make (think) of yourself and the world.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it true that some people find happiness in success, fame and money? Some find it in repairing to the Himalayas to achieve communion with God. Others find it in good health. Still others in community service, and yet others in writing code. :P The list can go on. In this light, I think it is futile trying to find a model solution. It's great that you have found what makes you happy, and sure enough that will help you function better, whatever your function be. But it is very hard to believe that everyone can or should be motivated by making the world a better place, and if they did, the results would be better than they are now.
One attempt at a model solution: Family + Food = Happiness
Here's someone who agrees with you that happiness is a state of mind: http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2010/07/19/life-is-10-how-you-make-it-and-90-how-you-take-it
ReplyDelete:-)
@Adhiraj: Yes, totally agree. I also believe there's no model solution or perfect solution for anything, esp this kind of feeling, belief related stuff, but a solution that suit us personally.
ReplyDeleteThanks prof for the link. I see many points similar to mine = )
ReplyDelete