Apart from just some few negative experience I wrote in the last post, I am still a cheerful and happy person.
Last month I really talked with lots of people. I hung out with lots of friends, and almost never eat alone. I just want to share some time with people. I am happy about it at 2 points: I feel comfortable and nature talking with people, and I feel they also comfortable / fun talking with me. Though clearly I need to improve my speaking skills a lot, at least now I have totally overcome the initial fear of starting a conversation, speaking to public and the like. Talking with people becomes so nature to me (though the more I talk, the more I face my speaking weakness. Sometimes I felt very bad about it. Only if I was so influent in English, sigh~~). Suddenly some of my friends started to ask things like: "why do you know so many people?" Ha ha. It's like some friends asked me "why do you always smile?"
I went out to explore Singapore and NUS a few times with a friend. They were quite fun and memorable experiences. [Don't want to go into detail but this paragraph is here because it's important].
I also took the chance that school hadn't started to learn swimming. Initially I went swimming alone. I didn't know how to swim so I tried to teach myself in the smaller pool. Looking back it was a long path. (OK I might not be a fast learner here but I'm sure I was a diligent one). I managed to swim across the pool in the week before the term started. Some of my closer friends also came back to Singapore so I asked them to go with me. It was really a good decision to invite them to go along. I learned a couple of things about swimming, and had some good times. Funnily, when I started to share about swimming, many friends showed interest in going swimming with me (well, 5 at least). Some went there the first time because of that. Guess sometimes people need reason / companion to start this kind of thing. It's good that sometimes I can start doing something new out of interest without feeling fear of others' judgments or views. I would love to write more about my swimming experience. However, to sum up in 1 sentence, I think learning anything is quite similar to each other: controlling fear and reluctant -> work hard -> when you reach your limit, you will feel want to give up, but hold on a little longer, you will be able to extend your limit. (The only bad thing about swimming is that I can't wear my glasses, and without them I can see up to nothing..)
I have a good feeling that this semester I will learn a lot of new things. I got that feeling right from the first lecture of CS2106 -- Introduction to Operating System. I felt that this semester would entice my interest for Computer Science again. It totally changed my module plan. I was stuck with the module plan I set up in the summer, because I couldn't secure some modules as planned. It was quite a safe plan, allow me to have free time to do extra stuff. Felt terrible when I need to change the plan. (Sometimes my mind wasn't very flexible). However, I changed my perspective after the Cs2106 lecture, and bid for several modules I didn't planned for before, but thought that they might be interesting, like CS3243 - AI, or CS3246 - Hypermedia & WWW. Now as I appealed successfully for CS3429 - Element of UI design, I might have to drop 1 of the 2. Today I feel even more assured that this semester will do something good to my interest.
Along from that, Tembusu College has started having activities. Friends here are quite easy going and open. We are to create a big new thing; I'm excited.
I might join NES / S@S too. Is it too much of work? Oh wait, 1101S tutoring is hellalot of work but the more work I have, the better I will be at managing time, hopefully.
One more thing, last week I jumped into a book about Buddhism, "Ego, Attachment and Liberation" so I grabbed it and read a couple of things about Buddhism. Interestingly, many things I thought about were quite similar to ideas in Buddhism. For example, attachments vs baggages. Certainly they aren't something healthy for our mind. Ego is a big problem too. The definition of ego in Buddhism is larger than my awareness of it though. Still, to be happy it's important to throw away both ego and attachment. I agree that we need to throw away expectation, throw away ourselves. Honestly, I thought about these points for a long time before but didn't find a good way to put them into words. Doing is harder than saying, though. I still try to keep my ego & attachment in check.
First week of school started with lots of worries and tiredness. However, a bit of cooling down helped me changed my perspective and changed my attitude toward the new semester. Hopefully everything will work out awesome.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Disturbance in the mind.
It's nearly 1 month since I come back to Singapore already. I can say it's a long month, with many things happened. This entry is about 1 of the experience that I want to write about.
I remembered Bernard commented on the post about Happiness that I might not be able to hold my thoughts when I faced the workload at school. To some extend, it did happen in the last month. It is important to note it down, in case I might fall into the same trap again. I should better write the experience down, hopefully to remember it better.
Last week, I realized I didn't keep my mind very clear and positive. I was full of worries, avoided work and felt lost. It was due to the strenuous ACM training, the amount of work I was expected to do this semester. I was kind of freak out. A lots of work will be new to me so I shunned for awhile too. All these thoughts surely didn't do anything good to my mind.
A part of the (source of the) problem comes from other people. I realized that many people spoke bullshit and I unconsciously let their negative voice entered my mind, or let their goal influenced mine. Keeping view of an observant is not easy.
It was an awakening moment, I realized I need to fix my mindsets. Again. Here are the relevant ones:
- I like adventure. I like explore new thing. My life must be a series of adventures. Remember how awesome past experiences were, so that I can overcome the initial fear of facing new things.
- What need to be done must be done properly. Plan early. Execute early. Work by priority, not difficulty. Decide priority by commitment and importance.
- There will be problems arise from the things I commit to do. However, problems are there to challenge my ability and creativity. Instead of shunning, I must keep thinking about problems and solutions. Try and try. It's fine to fail but it's not to fear. So far I'm sure I'm creative and smart.
- Life is about choice. I don't have to do everything, especially don't have to follow what others do or want. I must remember what is my choice and what is not, what is important to me, what I want to do.
- Do not think, pretend or appear to be down. Keep smiling. Hold myself standing high. Keep my mind in check. If I can't hold it, take a break.
- Sometimes it is important to take a break: a meal with friends, an outing, a movie, a nap, go swimming, and esp. a bath. Many things doesn't require lots of time yet can have outstanding restoration effect. Work smart.
- Keep the time spend on Facebook and Yahoo/ MSN in check.
I remembered Bernard commented on the post about Happiness that I might not be able to hold my thoughts when I faced the workload at school. To some extend, it did happen in the last month. It is important to note it down, in case I might fall into the same trap again. I should better write the experience down, hopefully to remember it better.
Last week, I realized I didn't keep my mind very clear and positive. I was full of worries, avoided work and felt lost. It was due to the strenuous ACM training, the amount of work I was expected to do this semester. I was kind of freak out. A lots of work will be new to me so I shunned for awhile too. All these thoughts surely didn't do anything good to my mind.
A part of the (source of the) problem comes from other people. I realized that many people spoke bullshit and I unconsciously let their negative voice entered my mind, or let their goal influenced mine. Keeping view of an observant is not easy.
It was an awakening moment, I realized I need to fix my mindsets. Again. Here are the relevant ones:
- I like adventure. I like explore new thing. My life must be a series of adventures. Remember how awesome past experiences were, so that I can overcome the initial fear of facing new things.
- What need to be done must be done properly. Plan early. Execute early. Work by priority, not difficulty. Decide priority by commitment and importance.
- There will be problems arise from the things I commit to do. However, problems are there to challenge my ability and creativity. Instead of shunning, I must keep thinking about problems and solutions. Try and try. It's fine to fail but it's not to fear. So far I'm sure I'm creative and smart.
- Life is about choice. I don't have to do everything, especially don't have to follow what others do or want. I must remember what is my choice and what is not, what is important to me, what I want to do.
- Do not think, pretend or appear to be down. Keep smiling. Hold myself standing high. Keep my mind in check. If I can't hold it, take a break.
- Sometimes it is important to take a break: a meal with friends, an outing, a movie, a nap, go swimming, and esp. a bath. Many things doesn't require lots of time yet can have outstanding restoration effect. Work smart.
- Keep the time spend on Facebook and Yahoo/ MSN in check.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Sometimes
Reading some of my friends' notes in Facebook and this thought come to me:
Sometimes people are not as strong, independent, cheerful, decisive or cold as you think they are.
They might well hide their weak, down moments deep inside.
They might never reveal their strugglings.
They might have a delicate soul under a different cover.
They might be just a sensitive and emotional creature just like any other.
So?
Listen to them. Period.
Talk with them.
Encourage them to share.
Bring them to playground. Insist if you think it's necessary.
Care to them even when they appear to not need it.
Show appreciation and respect more often.
Do these things because you want to have them as friends.
But don't expect anything.
Don't expect them to share their thought and feeling right away, because it might just be their characteristic to not share. But be persistent on this.
Don't expect them to show appreciation in return, because that's not gonna happen usually.
Care not about their faults.
Accept them.
They might hurt you (unexpectedly).
But all are OK, as long as you want to have them as friends,
I am saying all of this because
I realize
Sometimes it's me
who needs to be listened,
who needs a little care.
Sometimes people are not as strong, independent, cheerful, decisive or cold as you think they are.
They might well hide their weak, down moments deep inside.
They might never reveal their strugglings.
They might have a delicate soul under a different cover.
They might be just a sensitive and emotional creature just like any other.
So?
Listen to them. Period.
Talk with them.
Encourage them to share.
Bring them to playground. Insist if you think it's necessary.
Care to them even when they appear to not need it.
Show appreciation and respect more often.
Do these things because you want to have them as friends.
But don't expect anything.
Don't expect them to share their thought and feeling right away, because it might just be their characteristic to not share. But be persistent on this.
Don't expect them to show appreciation in return, because that's not gonna happen usually.
Care not about their faults.
Accept them.
They might hurt you (unexpectedly).
But all are OK, as long as you want to have them as friends,
I am saying all of this because
I realize
Sometimes it's me
who needs to be listened,
who needs a little care.
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