That's an awesome feeling
Like you have no fear
And nothing you can't bear
'Cause you open your arms
And embrace them all
You works with initiative
And with happiness
Always think positive
'Cause you know
Nothing can turn you down
Confidence fills your breath
Makes you stand high
You look up with pride
And always smile.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Communication
As I mentioned in the previous post, I am an ISTP typed person, who tends to hold back views on things. In a conversation, I normally enter a mode called ‘Information gathering’ and prefer to ask questions than share views. However, I seem to develop an opposite habit recently.
The observation was completely true to me previously. I hardly spoke out my views; instead I preferred listening and making judgment internally. My dad used to criticize me for being closed to my own world, and never express my feelings or thoughts. As I remembered, our conversation usually happened with him speaking to me, while, I sat in front of him, looked down to my feet and murmured ‘yes’, ‘yeah’, ‘yeah’... Normally when we talk with each other, he offered me guides or advices of what I should do. Meanwhile, being an independent and rebellious child, I disputed his suggestions silently and suppressed my disagreement. Another example, as I have stayed away from family for 10 years, figuratively, my parents always asked a lot of questions about my living, my friends and all. I tended to evade the questions, and answered with generic answers like ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘yeah’. I never talked about these things unless they asked. I must admit I was pretty detached from my family.
This time I tried to engage in every conversation with my parents. When I talked about something anything, I offered a lot of vivid images and stories. I made a lot of jokes too. And they laughed a lot. I openly raise my views or preferences, either when it agrees or disagree with my parents’ opinions. They did listen to me and respect my view. The result is inspiring! Previously, I always felt a tense air floating around us, especially when we talked with each other. I usually left a conversation with a lot of thought and negative feelings, as in depressed feelings, not bad tempered or anger. Now I feel all the conversations are much more interesting, more frank and more comfortable. I think my parents also agree with me on that. I am sure the bond between us is stronger than ever. I am pretty happy.
It is just an example of what is happening. I also try to actively participate in almost any conversation. It is kind of weird, but despite of the introverted nature, I feel quite nature and easy to do so. After the conversations, I always feel great (not excitement but satisfaction). Sharing views and thoughts is a really effective way to improve understanding, and strengthen bonds.
There is another reason made me ineffective in communication. I wonder if anyone shared this view, but I used to think of talks, especially with parents, are wastes of time. I have too many works at hand, I need to concentrate on this task, I haven’t achieved my goal yet, I need to work, work, WORK! Why am I sitting here, maintaining a crappy conversation? All these kind of thought used to scream in my mind, made me felt very uneasy and ineffective. But I have changed my mind: these conversations were more important than the works I worried about. Communication is important; you must put my mind and heart into it (no multitasking please). As for working, I want to quote 1 one successful entrepreneur, ‘You can deal a lot of damage from 2-4am’*. After all, what’s the point of success if I can’t even make my parents (and important ones) understand me and happy with me?
*That guy was Gary Vaynerchuk, who founded a TV channel all about wine. He maintained an close relationship with his customers: (personally) replied to every, EVERY email he received. You can listen to his talk here; it is quite inspiring.
The observation was completely true to me previously. I hardly spoke out my views; instead I preferred listening and making judgment internally. My dad used to criticize me for being closed to my own world, and never express my feelings or thoughts. As I remembered, our conversation usually happened with him speaking to me, while, I sat in front of him, looked down to my feet and murmured ‘yes’, ‘yeah’, ‘yeah’... Normally when we talk with each other, he offered me guides or advices of what I should do. Meanwhile, being an independent and rebellious child, I disputed his suggestions silently and suppressed my disagreement. Another example, as I have stayed away from family for 10 years, figuratively, my parents always asked a lot of questions about my living, my friends and all. I tended to evade the questions, and answered with generic answers like ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘yeah’. I never talked about these things unless they asked. I must admit I was pretty detached from my family.
This time I tried to engage in every conversation with my parents. When I talked about something anything, I offered a lot of vivid images and stories. I made a lot of jokes too. And they laughed a lot. I openly raise my views or preferences, either when it agrees or disagree with my parents’ opinions. They did listen to me and respect my view. The result is inspiring! Previously, I always felt a tense air floating around us, especially when we talked with each other. I usually left a conversation with a lot of thought and negative feelings, as in depressed feelings, not bad tempered or anger. Now I feel all the conversations are much more interesting, more frank and more comfortable. I think my parents also agree with me on that. I am sure the bond between us is stronger than ever. I am pretty happy.
It is just an example of what is happening. I also try to actively participate in almost any conversation. It is kind of weird, but despite of the introverted nature, I feel quite nature and easy to do so. After the conversations, I always feel great (not excitement but satisfaction). Sharing views and thoughts is a really effective way to improve understanding, and strengthen bonds.
There is another reason made me ineffective in communication. I wonder if anyone shared this view, but I used to think of talks, especially with parents, are wastes of time. I have too many works at hand, I need to concentrate on this task, I haven’t achieved my goal yet, I need to work, work, WORK! Why am I sitting here, maintaining a crappy conversation? All these kind of thought used to scream in my mind, made me felt very uneasy and ineffective. But I have changed my mind: these conversations were more important than the works I worried about. Communication is important; you must put my mind and heart into it (no multitasking please). As for working, I want to quote 1 one successful entrepreneur, ‘You can deal a lot of damage from 2-4am’*. After all, what’s the point of success if I can’t even make my parents (and important ones) understand me and happy with me?
*That guy was Gary Vaynerchuk, who founded a TV channel all about wine. He maintained an close relationship with his customers: (personally) replied to every, EVERY email he received. You can listen to his talk here; it is quite inspiring.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Love
Recently, one of my friends introduced to me about the Myers-Briggs type indicator, a classification of Personality. According to it, I am of the type ISTP, the mechanics. I was surprised when seeing how correctly it described me. Almost perfect! However, I was astonished when reading the part described the emotional, feeling side of an ISTP. I am kind of aware of what is happening with it, however, I have never put down into words or read something that reflects it so closely.
What caught most of my attention was this sentence:
Now that might sound OK, however the problems become worse when I tend to constantly put myself in new tasks, projects, or works, leaving little time to really examine my feelings and extend my arms to others. Last semester I was totally absorbed by 3216’s projects and almost lost all connections to the people outside it. Normally I called back home once a week, however, sometimes I forgot to do so for a month! It wouldn’t be strange if people outside my circle of present feel that I am uncaring, close to myself only (well, my dad criticized me several times). Yet the people within my circle tend to say the otherwise, that I am caring to them!
Even worse than that is the doubt I have about my feeling. I have multiple times questioned myself if I really liked a girl. How so if I wouldn’t miss her much normally. How not so when I feel such a strong affection toward her? The doubt and confusion always cause me a great difficulty in deciding what to do with my feelings. Also, because of it, sometimes I unknowingly hurt other people and myself. I always thought I am a fickle person, whose feelings change inadvertently and uncontrollably. However, 1 article wrote,
Last words,
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISTP_rel.html
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISTP_per.html
What caught most of my attention was this sentence:
...ISTPs feel strong affections one day at a time. One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on.It is because ISTPs focus on the present, the current moment the most. They focus on the thing that is happening, the tasks at their hands. They can totally forget about things that are irrelevant to the present. Taking myself as an example, recently, when I met the girl I liked, I felt a strong temptation to go and grab her hand, or hug her tightly. I tempted to confess the deep affection I had. However, right the next day, when I backed at home, sat down in front of my laptop, and started working, I tried to think about her and the temptation I had. Guess what, I couldn’t visualize anything in my mind, I didn’t feel missing her a lot. Instead, I wanted to start working and making progress. However, the feeling would come back intensely when I was done with work, and seeing her or any indication of her presence.
Now that might sound OK, however the problems become worse when I tend to constantly put myself in new tasks, projects, or works, leaving little time to really examine my feelings and extend my arms to others. Last semester I was totally absorbed by 3216’s projects and almost lost all connections to the people outside it. Normally I called back home once a week, however, sometimes I forgot to do so for a month! It wouldn’t be strange if people outside my circle of present feel that I am uncaring, close to myself only (well, my dad criticized me several times). Yet the people within my circle tend to say the otherwise, that I am caring to them!
Even worse than that is the doubt I have about my feeling. I have multiple times questioned myself if I really liked a girl. How so if I wouldn’t miss her much normally. How not so when I feel such a strong affection toward her? The doubt and confusion always cause me a great difficulty in deciding what to do with my feelings. Also, because of it, sometimes I unknowingly hurt other people and myself. I always thought I am a fickle person, whose feelings change inadvertently and uncontrollably. However, 1 article wrote,
In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with its natural flow.So what? It also wrote:
...most people need more commitment than can be offered when taking things day-by-dayOk, it feels great to know how and why things happen that way: it’s because of my nature, my personality. At least now I can redirect my attention to solution, instead of hopelessly questioning myself what was wrong with me. So how should I deal with my feeling now? It is suggested that:
Identify and Express Your Feelings. You may have a hard time figuring out exactly how you feel about someone that you're involved with. It's important that you do figure this out. Don't lead someone on with your ambivalence. If you determine that you value the person, tell them so every time you think of it. This is the best way to make them feel secure in your affections, and so to promote a long-lasting relationship.That means I have to develop a habit of expressing my affections to others... sounds against my nature but I guess it worth trying. Maybe I should spend like 1 hour a day to deal with my feelings specifically. For example, call and talk with whoever appears in my mind during that time?
Last words,
Don't Be Afraid to Love. That's just your old inferior function trying to convince you that you're unloved and unlovable. It's not true. Just because you're not sure what to do with yourself doesn't mean that you can't learn! Go on... jump in. The water's warm.Source:
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISTP_rel.html
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISTP_per.html
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Life is a marathon
My friend told me he was tired of the business world. He was originally a technical geek, switched into business field. He was now tired and doubted his ability. He felt weak. He asked me right after I failed miserably in the Google Code Jam round 2. I felt weak too. Even though I knew the reason, and accepted that result as a consequence of my own fault / weaknesses. I still feel weak. I must say it is the worst feeling you'd want to experience. I have doubted my ability many times. I hate feeling weak. Yet have experienced that many times.
That feeling comes when you face a problem that is sufficiently harder than your ability (at that moment). No matter how talented you are, as you advance further in a field, you will find it harder to progress, you have to pay more time and effort for lesser progress. Yet, others might catch up with you very quickly, they might be still below you, but they would be able to narrow the distant in real time, because it is easier for them to progress. At that time, you will feel at your limit, want to give up, doubt your ability, etc. Every sort of unmotivated thought will visit you. They can be defined as walls to stop the weak minded. The ones who can carry on will be able to achieve great success.
The self-help book would say you must carry on. People would motivate you to carry on. Sometimes, it makes giving up looks so bad. (I think) it is important to realize that giving up is an option, just as going on, not a choice when no other choice works. It also takes effort to give up properly.
- Sometimes I gave up, because besides the fact that I am tired, the thing wasn't that meaningful to me as it was. Later I found that at this point, it is important to, if you decide to give up, convince yourself to be happy with that decision before you actually do. Otherwise you'd feel remorse, felt weak (minded) for giving up. It's how you perceive the thing. Why don't perceive it in a more positive way? Whatever happens, happened. Many times I considered it as taking break, and eventually coming back to continue the work later.
- Sometimes I decided not to give up, and move forward by my determination, rather than strength. I realized that after surpassing a certain point, everything would be at ease. I found myself much more powerful. The things I found hard before became normal, if not easy or trivial. However, it didn't last long. Soon after that, another paramount will approach, and the recursion begins.
When I decide to not give up, it is because it is my life to achieve that goal. It is my promise to myself, or it is a goal that I cannot give up on. I've moved on because of determination and ambition. I have a vivid memory of these time. I must say it doesn't work out smoothly and easily as it sounds. It takes deliberation. It requires force (in thinking). Many times, even with determination, I still can't achieve the goal I set (but something close to it).
I can't really remember if I've moved on because of pure interest (passion). How does it feel like? (I'll find out.)
*About the title, the easiest way to experience these thing is by running a marathon. Get on your feet. Stretch carefully and Run! Remember to set a goal that is sufficiently longer than your current strength (say 1.5 the distant you normally run). For someones who doesn't run regularly, 30 minutes can be a real challenge.
That feeling comes when you face a problem that is sufficiently harder than your ability (at that moment). No matter how talented you are, as you advance further in a field, you will find it harder to progress, you have to pay more time and effort for lesser progress. Yet, others might catch up with you very quickly, they might be still below you, but they would be able to narrow the distant in real time, because it is easier for them to progress. At that time, you will feel at your limit, want to give up, doubt your ability, etc. Every sort of unmotivated thought will visit you. They can be defined as walls to stop the weak minded. The ones who can carry on will be able to achieve great success.
The self-help book would say you must carry on. People would motivate you to carry on. Sometimes, it makes giving up looks so bad. (I think) it is important to realize that giving up is an option, just as going on, not a choice when no other choice works. It also takes effort to give up properly.
- Sometimes I gave up, because besides the fact that I am tired, the thing wasn't that meaningful to me as it was. Later I found that at this point, it is important to, if you decide to give up, convince yourself to be happy with that decision before you actually do. Otherwise you'd feel remorse, felt weak (minded) for giving up. It's how you perceive the thing. Why don't perceive it in a more positive way? Whatever happens, happened. Many times I considered it as taking break, and eventually coming back to continue the work later.
- Sometimes I decided not to give up, and move forward by my determination, rather than strength. I realized that after surpassing a certain point, everything would be at ease. I found myself much more powerful. The things I found hard before became normal, if not easy or trivial. However, it didn't last long. Soon after that, another paramount will approach, and the recursion begins.
When I decide to not give up, it is because it is my life to achieve that goal. It is my promise to myself, or it is a goal that I cannot give up on. I've moved on because of determination and ambition. I have a vivid memory of these time. I must say it doesn't work out smoothly and easily as it sounds. It takes deliberation. It requires force (in thinking). Many times, even with determination, I still can't achieve the goal I set (but something close to it).
I can't really remember if I've moved on because of pure interest (passion). How does it feel like? (I'll find out.)
*About the title, the easiest way to experience these thing is by running a marathon. Get on your feet. Stretch carefully and Run! Remember to set a goal that is sufficiently longer than your current strength (say 1.5 the distant you normally run). For someones who doesn't run regularly, 30 minutes can be a real challenge.
Home
The weather here recently is quite nice. It is a little cloudy and windy. Thank for that, the temperature is around 32*C, not hot as I remembered about Vietnam's summer. I don't like hot weather. (No, the normal weather in Singapore is not hot. It is quite comfortable actually. And you have air conditioner everywhere!). This weather reminds me of Hanoi's autumn. I think this is the kind of weather I enjoy the most. However, this kind of weather can take down the mood of anyone. It's not a cheerful, energetic weather like the end of spring, or early summer, but a mild, down, slow weather. In this weather, I like to just lie down on my bed, and chew over some thought, some philosophical questions that I (most probably) never find answers, rather than working.
Speak of working, home isn't a good place for serious work. There are too much variable that I can't control. The constant electricity cut also cut off my desire to work. Sometimes it is frustrating to try to connect to the internet. You don't know why it doesn't work. It just doesn't. My two little brothers of 5 year-old and a sister of 12 year-old can disrupt my attempt to focus anytime. Well, you can't reason with children, they only want to play and get attention. I love to play with them when I am free. Besides, my parents want me to sleep regularly and rest regularly too. The fact that it is too comfortable here also makes me watch TV more, sleep more and thus spend less time on work. I remembered the time last semester, when I only came back room for sleep and went to school for work right after waking up. It was more productive then.
Alas, it's summer! I shouldn't think about work and study all the time! Didn't I decide to spend this summer for family and friends?
By the way, I will be arrive in Singapore on 18 July and will put real effort on ACM training in the next three weeks from arrival. ACM World Final is a serious business, and I need to play seriously.
Speak of working, home isn't a good place for serious work. There are too much variable that I can't control. The constant electricity cut also cut off my desire to work. Sometimes it is frustrating to try to connect to the internet. You don't know why it doesn't work. It just doesn't. My two little brothers of 5 year-old and a sister of 12 year-old can disrupt my attempt to focus anytime. Well, you can't reason with children, they only want to play and get attention. I love to play with them when I am free. Besides, my parents want me to sleep regularly and rest regularly too. The fact that it is too comfortable here also makes me watch TV more, sleep more and thus spend less time on work. I remembered the time last semester, when I only came back room for sleep and went to school for work right after waking up. It was more productive then.
Alas, it's summer! I shouldn't think about work and study all the time! Didn't I decide to spend this summer for family and friends?
By the way, I will be arrive in Singapore on 18 July and will put real effort on ACM training in the next three weeks from arrival. ACM World Final is a serious business, and I need to play seriously.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Making appointments
Last weekend I took the second trip to Hanoi. Thankfully, this time I got places to stay! Met and talked with a lot of my friends. It also left in my mind a lot of thoughts. I'm gonna write about them later on; it is the best to write about just one thing at a time. This post I want to write about something I learned after the trip, something about making appointments (meetings) with friends:
First, making confirmation with my friends ahead of time. Do not make any assumption about others. Last time I thought that I would easily find a place to stay, given that my friends would never turn me down. However, they turned to be out of town (it was the weekend) or had other issues, and I couldn't stay at their places. So this time I contacted them several days before coming, and confirmed the date and time I would visit them 1 day before, confirmed the place I would stay. It works out much smoother. Last time I procrastinated because I didn't like doing these things, just didn't feel comfortable. In general, procrastination might be caused by fear and anxiety as well, or sometimes the task is difficult that you try to defer facing it. Bur if something crucial need to be done, do it first. Don't defer the inevitable.
After that, follow up and update my friends whenever something doesn't happen according to the plan. It's frustrating to wait for someone else without hearing from him or her. Like if I'm late because of traffic jam, I should inform others of my status, and the time I am expected to arrive. Though it doesn't solve the problem, at least they know that I'm on the way, not that I've totally forgotten about the meeting (and them). It helps understanding and boost compassion.
Update update update! Follow up, follow up, follow up! Stay connected!
Oh and CALLing works better than SMSing.
I think the above things apply perfectly for team-working as well. Like what? You need to maintain constant connection and clear information of all things (related to your work). Update your friends regularly. Follow up. Push them if needed. Avoid taking any assumption.
First, making confirmation with my friends ahead of time. Do not make any assumption about others. Last time I thought that I would easily find a place to stay, given that my friends would never turn me down. However, they turned to be out of town (it was the weekend) or had other issues, and I couldn't stay at their places. So this time I contacted them several days before coming, and confirmed the date and time I would visit them 1 day before, confirmed the place I would stay. It works out much smoother. Last time I procrastinated because I didn't like doing these things, just didn't feel comfortable. In general, procrastination might be caused by fear and anxiety as well, or sometimes the task is difficult that you try to defer facing it. Bur if something crucial need to be done, do it first. Don't defer the inevitable.
After that, follow up and update my friends whenever something doesn't happen according to the plan. It's frustrating to wait for someone else without hearing from him or her. Like if I'm late because of traffic jam, I should inform others of my status, and the time I am expected to arrive. Though it doesn't solve the problem, at least they know that I'm on the way, not that I've totally forgotten about the meeting (and them). It helps understanding and boost compassion.
Update update update! Follow up, follow up, follow up! Stay connected!
Oh and CALLing works better than SMSing.
I think the above things apply perfectly for team-working as well. Like what? You need to maintain constant connection and clear information of all things (related to your work). Update your friends regularly. Follow up. Push them if needed. Avoid taking any assumption.
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