Communication

As I mentioned in the previous post, I am an ISTP typed person, who tends to hold back views on things. In a conversation, I normally enter a mode called ‘Information gathering’ and prefer to ask questions than share views. However, I seem to develop an opposite habit recently.

The observation was completely true to me previously. I hardly spoke out my views; instead I preferred listening and making judgment internally. My dad used to criticize me for being closed to my own world, and never express my feelings or thoughts. As I remembered, our conversation usually happened with him speaking to me, while, I sat in front of him, looked down to my feet and murmured ‘yes’, ‘yeah’, ‘yeah’... Normally when we talk with each other, he offered me guides or advices of what I should do. Meanwhile, being an independent and rebellious child, I disputed his suggestions silently and suppressed my disagreement. Another example, as I have stayed away from family for 10 years, figuratively, my parents always asked a lot of questions about my living, my friends and all. I tended to evade the questions, and answered with generic answers like ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘yeah’. I never talked about these things unless they asked. I must admit I was pretty detached from my family.

This time I tried to engage in every conversation with my parents. When I talked about something anything, I offered a lot of vivid images and stories. I made a lot of jokes too. And they laughed a lot. I openly raise my views or preferences, either when it agrees or disagree with my parents’ opinions. They did listen to me and respect my view. The result is inspiring! Previously, I always felt a tense air floating around us, especially when we talked with each other. I usually left a conversation with a lot of thought and negative feelings, as in depressed feelings, not bad tempered or anger. Now I feel all the conversations are much more interesting, more frank and more comfortable. I think my parents also agree with me on that. I am sure the bond between us is stronger than ever. I am pretty happy.

It is just an example of what is happening. I also try to actively participate in almost any conversation. It is kind of weird, but despite of the introverted nature, I feel quite nature and easy to do so. After the conversations, I always feel great (not excitement but satisfaction). Sharing views and thoughts is a really effective way to improve understanding, and strengthen bonds.

There is another reason made me ineffective in communication. I wonder if anyone shared this view, but I used to think of talks, especially with parents, are wastes of time. I have too many works at hand, I need to concentrate on this task, I haven’t achieved my goal yet, I need to work, work, WORK! Why am I sitting here, maintaining a crappy conversation? All these kind of thought used to scream in my mind, made me felt very uneasy and ineffective. But I have changed my mind: these conversations were more important than the works I worried about. Communication is important; you must put my mind and heart into it (no multitasking please). As for working, I want to quote 1 one successful entrepreneur, ‘You can deal a lot of damage from 2-4am’*. After all, what’s the point of success if I can’t even make my parents (and important ones) understand me and happy with me?

*That guy was Gary Vaynerchuk, who founded a TV channel all about wine. He maintained an close relationship with his customers: (personally) replied to every, EVERY email he received. You can listen to his talk here; it is quite inspiring.